Re-writing the tape in your head

Somewhere in your journey of life you were told or it was communicated in someone’s actions that “you didn’t measure up”

It could have been a parent, a sibling, a teacher, or it could have been a boyfriend or girlfriend that communicated that you just “didn’t measure up.” Unfortunately, that message got “burned” into the tape that plays in your head every time you attempt anything, or try to make decisions. That tape plays and the self-doubt cripples you.

Maybe it’s a parent who had expectations of perfection for you & you didn’t seem to measure up!  Or maybe they were abusive or neglected you.  All of these can lead to the message that you just don’t measure up!

Maybe it’s a sibling who bullied you.  Or a sibling who was favored by your parents & took great joy in communicating that to you.

Maybe you had a boyfriend that left you for someone else. Or maybe several boyfriends who left you. Maybe a boyfriend who was abusive (physically or emotionally). 

I just had lunch with a good friend “Holly.” She told me a story about her childhood. She watched all of her friends at the age of 12-14 who were already developed enough to wear bra’s.  She was still flat-chested.  She would look at the young girls in envy wishing she could wear a bra.  She was afraid to go to the locker room & undress for fear her friends would see her. She was on the swim team & her mother decided she needed to sew “pads” into the bra of her swimsuit so that she looked like she had breasts when she was swimming.  She would cringe if her girlfriend was near her when she was rinsing out her suit, because she didn’t want her friends to see the “pads.”   When she was in high school she was still flat-chested & started dating. Her mother told her, make sure you are never lying down flat (not because she was worried about her purity). She wanted to make sure she wasn’t laying flat, because it would emphasize to her boyfriend that she didn’t have breast. What kind of message do you think her mother was sending her?   Now I know her mother is a great woman with very good intentions. But the message that was given to my friend “Holly” is that she wasn’t enough…

I have another friend “Missy” who has memories of being told she was lazy.  In fact, her father’s funny “mantra” was “don’t expect much from the “Decker’s”

Today my friend “Missy” is a mom a wife & works part time.  She struggles with thinking she isn’t doing a good enough job in any area of her life.  She thinks she needs to be a better wife & mother.  She needs to be a better employee to her customers. The message that “Missy” received was you are lazy & we can’t expect much from you. Now the truth is that “Missy” is an amazing woman.  She is an amazing wife & mother.  Her husband said she is the most un-lazy person he knows.  Her customer’s love her.  And yet she has this tape in her head that makes her feel like she’s not enough.

I have story after story like this of women who have been sent a message at some point in their life that was completely inaccurate & not at all what God wants them to embrace.

I think the key to rejecting this lie is to rebuke that message you received.  There may need to be some grieving & saying “goodbye” to those old messages in your mind. You need to be in community with people you can be real & vulnerable with. You need to talk through some of the hurts you’ve experienced. You need to get some real healing. And don’t be afraid to talk to a pastor or counselor to work through them. But until your old message “dies” you can’t move forward. The new message is waiting to be lived out.

“Before the house can be rebuilt it has to be torn down”